Being Without

by Barrow

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credits

released 20 December 2011

Travis Schuster, Matt Clark, Zach Tobin, Tyler Ingram

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Track Name: Where I Was
You've always said that this should be a sanctuary and I know you've kept your word. As I find my actions falling short, I'll keep the lessons I have learned. These streets remain so familiar, memories lingering in their quiet, bewildering nature. Beneath my feet are the crumbled remains of fall growing colder. These ambitions are keeping me young, evoking childlike wonder. Where has the time gone? Where do the days go when they leave us? I've left so much behind, but home is where my heart is.
Track Name: Monochromatic
I couldn't feel it building up beneath me. There you were with that look upon your face and that gasp upon your breath. These hands weren't meant to hurt. This is a testament to loathing all of the things that I have said, that I have done, that I have made. I couldn't hold it in. I can't take it back. Bursting, vulgar, ruminate the aftermath.
Track Name: Stretching Arms, Shaking Hands
Returning glances to black-patterned eyelids. Demeaning slowly with self-centered silence. Lead me into my own abyss. [...] I can feel the shadow of your hand creeping up every single inch of my body. You have nothing to offer. You are nothing to me. Nothing remains, but a matter of duplicity. How long do I have to wander? I've felt the fear and cold, but you still have your hold. An apparition to ponder; your form, it breathes deceit. Your touch has branded me. You have led me through night after night of misguided thoughts and lack of direction. I have become yours, you have become mine. Intervention. Failure. Remorse. Your foundation is shaken with every laugh, every smile, every institution of confidence. You will be evicted from a home that was never your own. Each one of these eyes seeks out a different conclusion.
Track Name: In Blight and Boast
With our bodies broken to the bone, buried from death, fossilized into stone -- and these stones that we use to build our homes, we all seek it, oh, we all know that we reap what we sow. And with our hearts altered by decay from the weight of our love deviating to shame, every anoxic thought bleating to disdain, carbonized coal to fuel our necrotic state. As we survey along each surface and shovel through all the grime and the dirt, excavating every notion to understand that we threw out the gems with all of the pain and the hurt. Every feeling suppressed came seeping through our skin and our teeth and at the washing of the tide we are preserved by replacing cognition with a sense of vacuity. Should I prepare my fragments and polished cases? Should I burn the coal I've made? Broken down. The choices that we've made in the past will show themselves as our bodies and feelings erode away with time. Our many transgressions will come to light as we reinterpret our lives. I don't want to feel this way any more, collapsing night after night, pressing my face to the floor. I've been a mess since the moment you left, leaving my heart in shambles, I'm emotion bereft. Refining the ruin that we've made, proclaiming innocence with ill intent. Still hiding from errors all the same, we should know we'll reap what we sow. We all know we'll reap what we sow.
Track Name: The Undertow
I called upon my demons and this is what they said: “Heed the words that we bring forth, do your worst until you’re dead. Write their names upon your hands and fill their lungs and hearts with lead. Youth is teeming with its offers, guide its body to your bed. Adopt the dreadful ways of others and the hatred they have bred. Cleanse your weary head of innocence while their integrity is bled. Gently pulsing on with anger, leaving every mouth unfed. Cut the hand from either arm before its acts can reach your head.”
I subsided on skin and smoke, attaching my attention to a false and fleeting feeling, seeking anything appealing for a moment’s time. And I keep slipping through every phrase, tearing through page after page, the structure has amended, but the cadence hasn’t changed.
I was guilty, envious and venomous. My body was amphibious, my mind was feigning innocence. I was swept under the current of my own naiveté, taken aback by crimes against conscience unconsciously.
Track Name: An Absent Crown, My Diadem
Further, you only wish to sway and pull and harm. Further, for I will keep her safe within my arms. Lover, could you not keep to the love you swore? I have made your face into something that I can't stand to see. Pacing from the side vinyl to the door, across your ash-stained balcony. And the same way I had let this birth I will let this die, and you will become just another body I will use to waste my time. You are just a body that I will use to waste my time. You are just a plague. [...] If truth is found in innocence then words are meant to keep, but the weight of comfort is too much and I am just too weak to hold to the love you swore. The weight of truth, the love you brought wasn't love enough for me to hold to the love you swore to me. I have seen a greater light than a body within my bed, naked from the warmth of a love within my head.
Track Name: Sundown
Crowded and white, avoiding all intrusion. Hiding at night, lights in the walls and noise under blankets. I couldn't bear to believe this moral self-abandonment, crushing inclinations and the things we once held fast. Loyalties are on a steady decline, plummeting below the most animalistic nature. These ever-swirling signals are still a sign of distress. I saw myself last night, discontented with unfamiliarity and the people we've become. I'm tired of hiding in a place where I should be comfortable. I've been sinking for too long, burdened with disdain. I'm at the bottom. I've traded my will for this shell of a body.
Track Name: Ashen, Pallid
You can't help but to lose sight of the spectrum when color is no more than a concept. There is no cure for the most subtle sort of blindness, it just festers, and grows, and develops inside. If this is my wits' end, where do they begin again? If this is how it has always been then this is how it shall remain. As everything surrounding slowly fades into grayscale, life is much less where it once was found abundant. This is evisceration. This is passion tearing through flesh and bone. I'm an amalgamation of the fears that I've found in my time spent alone. It isn't me, it isn't me, I swear I'm all I am, I'm just taking everything as was prescribed. And if it isn't meant to be then lay it out in front of me, a reminder of what's keeping me alive. I'm reclaiming my flaws and embracing tomorrow.